Lonely Days...

Well, the last few days have been pretty productive overall. I've accomplished a lot of different things with school, web design, and SL. Phoenix has kept me in great company, but I still feel lonely. I really miss Roxanne. She's pretty busy with her RL, and I understand that completely... I still miss her to death.

Unintentional...

Well, I was planning on being in bed like 4 hours ago, but I ended up getting distracted with a huge group of friends that were all partying down at InSpired MaDness! Everyone was on SL Voice, and I started my stream and DJed the night away. There were tons of laughs, and plenty of gay jokes, mostly about myself, but that's cool, it's all about the laughs :D

I also I got totally crazed about this new AVI shop I found that was filled with cheap, but superior super hero costumes! Check it out! I am Iron Man! WOO!

Phasing out

Well, after a week or two of wearing beautiful hair for women, and cherry designed panties, I'm finally out of my wearing womens' stuff phase. I'm definitely not gay; that's the good news, LMAO! Come get me ladies! :P

Accomplishments for the day...

-Survived work
-Organized thoughts
-Cleaned room and made more space
-Did some business planning
-Chi realigned?

Yeah, I think I got my head back on straight again. I kind of lost it there for a while, but it's on straight now :D This crazy crazy world!

Sometimes you feel like a nut...

Okay... so I've taken some time to really assess a lot of things in my life. I've basically come to the conclusion that I'm just freaking out because there are a lot of changes happening in my life all at one time. My voice is changing, I'm getting taller, and I have hair growing in strange places... LMAO!

Seriously though, I have a lot of things changing in my life all at once. I'm back in school, I'm working 20 to 24 hours a week, I'm meeting tons of new people, I have side jobs up the wazoo, I'm trying to keep up with friends, and I've fallen in love for the first time in over 2 years. So it's pretty wacky right now.

Firstly and foremost before I even go any further, I wanna apologize to Roxanne for being so schizoid pretty much everyday since school started. I love you so much, that when a single day went by without talking to you I just kind of flipped because I miss you so much when you're gone. After giving it more thought, I shouldn't have been so quick to feel the way I did. You're such a sweet woman that tries really hard to go to work and school and be there for all of your friends. I'm such a lucky guy to have met you and to be able to spend as much time as I do with you. You're the greatest!

In the mean time, look what happens when I don't have much else to do on late nights... It's that little black dress. I'm not quite sure what this says about me yet... lol

On a side note, I just fixed the family computer and got that shit out of my hair. GOOD GRIEF! In addition I've got my Linux computer up and running again and hopefully I'll be able to host vent, streaming audio, streaming video, and possibly Source Server (for half life, Counterstrike, etc.) I also wanna install Apache on it with PHP and MySQL

I just finished my first video project today in class, here is a link to it on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aG3P9T6AiL8

Mixed Emotions

I'm feeling some seriously mixed up emotions. I don't even know how to feel, cause I feel it all at once. I'm pretty tired, and I have to be up early, so I'm gonna try and keep this short.

In a nutshell... I'm totally in love with Roxanne (completely obvious already), I'd totally love to go out with her, and one day be with her. I just don't feel like I'm the right choice for her :/ I love her to pieces, and I know she loves me too, but as much as I would love to be with her, I can't be there for her. I can't do all those boyfriend things that boyfriends do. Roxy, is wonderful, beautiful, and nothing short of fantastic. She could be with pretty much anyone she chooses, if she chose to do so.

I feel pretty lame lately. I don't feel like that care free, do anything, anytime, anywhere guy I was a while back. I feel like I lack the ability to make people laugh anymore; I'm all juiced out, I have nothing new to offer anyone.

I have all kinds of love and craziness built up inside of me, and I don't feel adequate enough to deliver it to people. I feel washed up and out of touch with myself.

Maybe I feel insecure with myself because I've made myself vulnerable once again, or perhaps I just need to take a poo...

Here are a couple projects I did in my Illustrator class in the first two weeks:


This one was a project to make a CD Art Template and design a CD Art Label



This one was to learn how to use the pen tool to trace.

I'm not sure why the images are showing up with blue in them, but I don't have time to fix them right now. Perhaps I'll correct them and upload them again later.

Anyways... I feel so mixed up, and I'm not quite sure where to go from here.

Today

Today was a mildly productive day. I was very tired, so I didn't accomplish too much. I went to sleep a couple hours before my 9am class, and I only took a couple hour nap some hours after I got home. I made my first actually edited video today in class, and it's pretty odd, I'll post it for you to see after I get it compressed.

I've been in a pretty low mood this whole day, but it's probably just cause I'm so tired. Geting adjusted to this new way of living is kind of rough cause I've been staying up all through the night for 3 years now. I wanna break out of the habit, but it's so hard!

School is pretty good at the moment, I've managed to keep up with all of my assignments thus far, but I might fall behind if my book doesn't hurry up and get here (I ordered it online) for my business class.

I'm kind of foggy about most of what happened today. I'm feeling pretty blah. Roxanne told me she needs to spend less time in SL, and while it's always saddening to be away from people you love, I have so much respect for her taking action on that. It really shows how responsible she is, and that's highly admirable :D

Wrapping up, I worked on the ship a little bit today with Phoenix. "The Ship" is a project we've been working on for a couple months now. It's gigantic, bigger than any ship I've ever seen on SL. It's turning out really well, and I can't wait to have the actual building part done, that'll be real soon. Then we just have to worry about textures, furnishings, and details.

In Love

So, anyone who knows me at all, already knows who Roxanne is. They also know she's my room mate, my twin, and my BFF. What may not be so clear to everyone is that I love her with all my heart.

Ever since I met Roxy at the Pink Pussy Cat Club, my life has become so much more bearable. We talk daily, whether it be in SL or in RL, and with each day, I feel like we grow closer and closer together with each and every minute we share.

When I'm with Roxanne, I feel like I can say anything I want to or need to and it's not a problem. I haven't felt the drama I feel with most people when I'm interacting with her. I feel so care free around her, everything just falls into place!

I am totally in love with Roxanne. Every little thing she says makes me react in some way or another, whether she knows it or not, whereas with some people, I could really care less. She has the power to move me in a certain way that no one else can. Today my heart started racing really fast just from talking to her. I haven't felt that way in over 2 years since I broke up with my ex.

Don't get me wrong when I say this, I don't get excessive amounts of attention from Roxy, but all the attention I get is just the right kind, the kind that can just drive me straight up a wall with happiness and excitement. I miss her all the time when I'm not with her, but the absence truly does make the heart grow fonder, as they say. I start feeling lonely the minute we determine we have to part ways each and every time, but it's always counter weighted with those beautiful words: "I love you!" Whenever she leaves me, or I leave her, she always manages to say things for me to hold onto til the next time. Every time she calls me babe, I get so excited, it makes me feel so special. Maybe I'm overly traditional, but to me that shows very affectionate feelings when someone calls you babe.

I can rant all day about Roxanne, I really can :D She is the bomb yo! lol I don't know anyone else that can be wild and crazy, yet "normal" when they need to be. Someone who is always strong, and doesn't take things off the deep end from the get go. Someone who is sensable, and a great listener. Someone who cares about me so much, and remembers everything, she's such a sweet hert, and I love her to death. I'm in love with Roxanne. I love you Roxanne, and I can never say it enough!

I <3 Roxanne